Technology is great, isn’t it? There is something pretty spoiling about, say… walking around with the entire collected knowledge of all humankind in your pocket. That’s big. But of all the wonderful technology in our lives, maybe my favorite is the new car “configurator.”
I configure the hell out of some cars, believe you me. I configure… a LOT of cars.
A Golf GTI Clubsport in “Intense Red” with black 19” wheels and 300bhp.
Why? Well, I love old cars, and pretty much exclusively drive old cars, but there are times when I kinda hanker for a brand new car. Something refined and comprehensively NEW. Something where everything not only works, but works better than the same things used to work in older cars - even the best old cars ever made. Something where if the windscreen fogs up you just touch a button and the windscreen magically de-fogs. Like… in seconds. Something where when you’re tired and you don’t notice that patch of glare ice on the apex at night, a shedload of lights flicker on the dashboard and the traction control and ASM just kick in, almost without you being aware of them, and keep you out of the weeds. Stuff like that.
Today was one of those days, so I started configuratin’.
My first stop used to be Alfa Romeo. Always. But since they discontinued the Giulietta and Mito, I find less there to like. I’m not an SUV guy, so the Tonale and Stelvio are out. And I can’t afford a Giulia Quadrifoglio. So I started off at Volkswagen.
I love electric cars, but I still find fully electric cars too limiting. The charging infrastructure just isn’t there for me yet, particularly here in Spain, and sometimes I need to lark out across the country on no notice. And for that kind of use, it’s at least a plug-in hybrid. But I also sorta feel like… the days of the internal combustion engine are numbered, so why not take a last crack at something I have loved my entire life, namely the internal combustion engine? They burn damn clean these days, and still have some life left in them. Which landed my on the GTI page.
Here in Spain, a Golf R is over seventy grand, and that’s in euros, mind you. So I went with the 300bhp GTI “Clubsport” instead. In red with a black roof, black 19” wheels, heated seats front and rear (so my kids don’t feel left out on chilly days) and some other goodies it came it 59,035€. Pretty dear for a Golf, but I guess cars are expensive these days.
Mercedes-Benz C300e wagon in “Plata Mojave” with the largest wheels available, saddle colored nappa leather, and absolutely no “AMG-line” crap.
What about a Suzuki Jimny? Those are cute, and surprisingly capable off road. That might be fun as a little runabout! But Suzuki Spain, get this, doesn’t have a configurator. BLAAAAH! Eff you, Suzuki. If I can’t build it online, you’re out.
Maybe a Fiat Panda Cross? I’d dig one of those, but my kids would kill me. How about a Mercedes-Benz C300e wagon? Now we’re talking. 70 miles of fully electric range, and a potent petrol engine to fall back on when I need it. Perfect. But when I got to configuratin’, it turns out it’s not perfect. First of all, Mercedes-Benz in 2023 has the worst color choices in the history of automobiles. What gives? This is the same Mercedes-Benz that used to offer Agave Green, Mesa Red and Mimosa Yellow! But now? It’s white, black, eight different grays and a bright red. Borrrrring. Does the world need any more gray cars? I think not.
Plus, even though there are a million different options, you can’t get most of them with the “avant garde” exterior. They FORCE you to take the “AMG Line” exterior, and I can’t have that. Few things annoy me more than “AMG-line” (or “M-line” or S-line” or “R-line”) packages. If I’m not buying a sporting model, I don’t want to pose as if I am. And the final nail in the coffin? Nearly eighty grand, once I spec’d it the way I wanted it. Yeesh. For a C-Class? I don’t know, man. That’s too rich for my blood.
Which brought me back to… Alfa Romeo. Where I should have started to begin with.
I still can’t afford a Giulia Quadrifoglio, but I configured up a “Veloce” model, which has 280bhp, sport suspension, the sexiest 19” wheels I’ve seen in a long time, and a host of comfort and convenience options. In Alfa Red, mine came to 62,550€, which is much closer to the Golf than the small Benz wagon, and it’s a million times better looking than both.
So that’s it for today. Enough configuratin’. Back to work. I didn’t buy anything, of course. I never do. The beauty of the configurator is you don’t have to spend any money on it. And tonight I’ll take my old 928 out for a drive and the burning need for a new car will be in the past, and I will live to configure another day.